Offline Related > Friends and Relationships > I'm scared...

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Haley	24th September 2006 - 07:07 pm
	Okay, me and my boyfriend haven't been getting along lately. We broke up a week or two ago and then got back together but he said this was our last try. We get into ONE argument (I'm scared to walk alone and he lied and said he would walk me home then decided not to, knowing my fear). And broke up with me. I asked him if we're really over and he said "I don't know. I have to think." And this all happened Friday. I've been with him for a very long time. It'll be two years in December. I honestly don't know what I'm going to do if we're really over. He has this girl he likes (but she doesn't like him) and after that argument, I saw on her myspace a comment from him. "Well, looks like I'm single again. <3" I'm really, really fucking scared. I honestly won't be able to handle it if they go out. He was the second boy I've ever kissed. I've had nearly every first with him (including we both took each others virginity) so we've gone through everything. I'm scared to death. I love him so much and I really don't know what to do without him. I'm scared I'm going to do something stupid. I don't know what but when I get depressed like this, I don't think. I'm really scared...

angel421355	24th September 2006 - 07:35 pm
	Well, I'm no psycologist but I think that if he really loves you, he will not let stupid arguments ruin your relationship. If he really loves you, he would not DARE go out with another girl right after you guys broke up...that would be so...stupid. And even if you guys are over for good, theres always more guys out there who are better...guys who wouldn't just go out there and get with another girl knowing that he just broke up with someone that he loves. He'll miss you too much...if he really does love you. I'm not trying to doubt his love for you, but I think that if it's really TRUE love, you guys could work it out...maybe you and him both need space...give it time, just wait paitently...if he wants you, he'll come back...if he loves you Haley, he will never leave you. I hope I've helped a little...and I hope everything works out...keep me posted.

Haley	24th September 2006 - 07:39 pm
	Thanks Tifney. I haven't talked to him since Friday since he's been at a friends house but his mom said as soon as he gets home, she'll have him call. This is like our 3rd break up this month but I had hopes with the other. This one..I don't know. I'm just scared he isn't coming back to me and I know it's stupid to depend on a boy but he's not just a boy to me. And I know there are more, other boys that will treat me better but I don't want them. But just talking about it, getting it off my chest helps. Thanks, Tif.

angel421355	24th September 2006 - 08:06 pm
	I understand compleatly...I recently just got over a break up...actually I'm not over him yet lol but, I'm getting there!...but anyways, yeah, I know there are other boys out there but I just don't want them...I want him and only him. I used to like this boy ALOTTT...like omg, obsessed...haha, but I just thought...I cannot dwell on the past. If it's over, it's over...I cried and cried and cried more...and it was stressful...but I realized that crying/worrying about him was not going to bring him back to me, I knew my best bet was to try and move on...and surley enough most of the likement I had towards him went away...It's hard Haley, I know. I think you should talk to him about it. Let him know that you love him soo much...and that breaking up would do so much damage to you. And don't let him feel sorry for you...if he wants you back after you tell him that, make sure it's because he wants to be with you...not just because he feels bad about the whole situatuon.

Echoia	24th September 2006 - 09:29 pm
	I had a really bad experience with a breakup when I was about your age. It was very bad, the guy handled it horribly and it messed me up for a long time. It took me THREE YEARS to realize that what he did was the right thing, I HAd to date other people. It took me three years to accept an ask-out. Most girls become very attached to their 'firsts' (though we hadn't... he was the first guy I'd kissed and loved). That's no reason to hold onto someone who wants to let you go. In fact, I can't think of a single reason to hold onto someone who wants to be somewhere else. It may work for a time, the person feels guilty and sad and cares about you and wants you to be happy, but eventually they will feel manipulated. They'll resent the fact that you keep holding your unhappiness over them and they will not only no longer be susceptible to it, but they'll probably become cold and stop caring so much about you period. You deserve to not only be with someone who wants you, but that you want also. If he wants to move on, let him. Both of you should experience more of life. It really is true that if he's yours he'll find his way back on his own.

angel421355	24th September 2006 - 09:54 pm
	That was very well put, Echo =]

cait	24th September 2006 - 10:56 pm
	Although I haven't experienced anything like you have, I know that it's hard, to make the decision of whether you want to stay with the one you love, or go to someone that will treat you right. All in all, I think you deserve someone that cares for your safety and your fears, and someone that will love you no matter what you do, and will go out of their way to protect you, it's not worth getting hurt :( But I'm sorry that happened to you, I could only imagine what a difficult situation you were in, and I wish you the best with whatever happens!!<3

Joaris333	24th September 2006 - 11:51 pm
	Quote Haley I've been with him for a very long time. It'll be two years in December. I honestly don't know what I'm going to do if we're really over. He has this girl he likes (but she doesn't like him) and after that argument, I saw on her myspace a comment from him. "Well, looks like I'm single again. <3" ...looks like i'm single again? with a HEART?? on the myspace of the girl that he has this long-time crush on???? Haley i think you know where i'm going with this. that doesn't sound like someone who wants to stay in a relationship. Echo put it best. People break up, sometimes they get back together. And as Tif said, if it's really love, you'll be together. Maybe he needs space. maybe he's just confused, and he feels strongly about you but is afraid of something. but right now the fact that you show visible concern for this relationship is a huge sign that something is definitely wrong. He's not treating you fairly, at all. Someone who really cares for you in that sense probably won't get so frustrated over such a thing, and go as far as to break up with you. And you say you haven't gotten into arguments often, so why's he so eager to break up? It's as if he was looking for a reason to break up, and was waiting for the opportunity. I think this is the crossroads of sorts, where you have a choice to leave it be, or take it into your own hands. Have u ever heard the saying "You're too close to the forest to see the trees?" my advice is to take a step back, and start thinking about what's wrong with this picture. Because from what you said, you've done NOTHING wrong. Absolutely nothing that should cause a breakup. Please don't blame yourself or feel sad. Another thing, Haley. You're pretty young (just like me. I'm only 19... and you're 15 right? going on 16?) you haven't gotten to college yet! You may both move away from each other. You may go to a dorm and find a hot guy that lives next door to you (and totally adores you as well!) and you get to know him, spend time with him, just chill and have a good time. and before you know it, you two are as tight as can be and in a loving relationship that's going strong. And you'll feel love for him too, and even though he won't be your first, growing and exploring bring new feelings. I find it's easier to say this to someone than go through it myself :P and I agree with Tif. It's never easy. It's human nature to think that whatever that's bad that you're going through at the moment is the WORST thing that can happen to you. You cry, you feel depressed, you can't eat, sleep. Even the songs u listen to remind you of that special person. It sucks. Period. But there are worse things. You have your friends, your family, your passions and your hobbies. My best advice is to focus on those things. Even though i hated (and still hate) school work, it def helps to get your mind off of such things. It helps with the healing process to put your mental energy into other things. so yea. <3 <3 Hugs for you!! ^_^ I do hope things work out in your best interest regardless. And if you do stay together, i hope this doesn't happen again. Spread the love! :D

Linda	25th September 2006 - 12:33 am
	I hope you're doing ok. I honestly don't have any advice that hasn't already been said but I wanted to say that you deserve someone who will give you their everything. You should never be second best <3

Haley	30th September 2006 - 03:15 am
	I haven't talked to him since he's gone this weekend and I just found this. So I don't know WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON! I found it in the trash in his myspace. -- awwww thanx i thouht i looked like shit... i love you tooo!!! ~tab~ ----------------- Original Message ----------------- From: Dont walk away while I'm petting you lol Date: Sep 20, 2006 4:40 PM Hey Tabs, whats up? I'mma reply to your note before friday. Dude, I would be mad at your friend...idk thats just mean. Today you looked more beautiful than ever for some reason. idk I just found myself staring at you at times. Dont be creeped out by it though =) Well, g2g. I love you so much, Brian

Carina	30th September 2006 - 03:30 am
	^How'd you get into his myspace? Who's tab? Haley, I'm so sorry. I don't know what it feels like. I've only ever been in one 'relationship', if you can even call it that. Closure is good, you know? Talk to him. Make things clear. If you break up, make it clear. Let him know that you know. Once everything's out in the open, you'll heal a lot faster.

Haley	30th September 2006 - 03:37 am
	Tab is this girl that he's friends with that he likes. I figured a crush was nothing. I knew his password.

the2slayers	30th September 2006 - 03:48 am
	Quote Haley Tab is this girl that he's friends with that he likes. I figured a crush was nothing. I knew his password. Wow, Haley. I don't know what to say. I have recently gotten out of a relationship too and I know (more than you know) how you must be feeling. I don't want to seem too forward but looking at what his messages say... he seems like a perfect asshole to me. He doesn't walk you home knowing your fear and promising he would, he flirts with girls the day you two break up somewhere as public as myspace?, and he breaks up with you because of one fight. I don't want to say I can't imagine what you're going through because I can. But, you know what? There ARE better people out there for you. And a month later, for me, I got to realize this. You're definitely better than that. There's no reason to have to be treated like crap and take it because you are dependent upon him. Sooner or later you will find your way back and you'll be able to realize who you are without him. And that, I'm guessing, is the hardest part for you. You've been dating for so long it's hard for you to see where you start and where you end. Over the time you two have been going out, again I'm guessing, it seems like he has become a part of you. But it does become much easier, I PROMISE you that. You are young. Really young. I'm suprised a relationship at that age lasted almost 2 years. I know you're definitely going to be hearing this from so many other people... but you will get over it. And then, if the day comes that he comes crawling back to you, the ball will be in your court. And hopefully you will see how much better you deserve and you can turn him down.

Haley	30th September 2006 - 03:50 am
	Thanks Drew. But I'm really scared because I know that I love him SO much. And to be played, used, and betrayed is the most horrible feeling I've ever felt in my life. Ever. So I know that I won't leave him and if he breaks up with me then ever wants me back, I couldn't say no. And I know I'd be letting this happen again. This all hurts so bad.

Mattness	30th September 2006 - 10:09 am
	Quote Linda I hope you're doing ok. I honestly don't have any advice that hasn't already been said but I wanted to say that you deserve someone who will give you their everything. You should never be second best <3 Agree on that.. sorry I have nothing to say.. I hope you'll be okay!

the2slayers	30th September 2006 - 02:30 pm
	Quote Haley So I know that I won't leave him and if he breaks up with me then ever wants me back, I couldn't say no. Oh, wow... that's exactly how I felt. But, can I ask you something? When you were dating... was it like you were constantly thinking "OK, when is this gonna end? Is he gonna break up with me today? Tomorrow?"

Haley	30th September 2006 - 02:39 pm
	Quote the2slayers Quote Haley So I know that I won't leave him and if he breaks up with me then ever wants me back, I couldn't say no. Oh, wow... that's exactly how I felt. But, can I ask you something? When you were dating... was it like you were constantly thinking "OK, when is this gonna end? Is he gonna break up with me today? Tomorrow?" Only a little bit these past couple weeks...

Jenny	30th September 2006 - 03:36 pm
	Sorry if this has already been said, I skimmed.. Maybe he's scared and wants something new? And the whole arguement thing, people argue - that's what makes the relationship.. say, happen. If you don't argue with eachother then there's something wrong right there. :s

indrahprashmet	03rd October 2006 - 07:09 pm
	Here is my anecdote: I started dating this guy when I was about 15... looking back on it, I was waaay out of his league, but I've never been big on appearances. I just realize that physically/mentally/emotionally everything I could have done much better. (anyone could have) So we dated for 10 absolutely amazing months, I was hardcore in love with the kid, and lost my virginity to him on our 10 month anniversary. about 5 days later, he broke up with me. his reason? he was gay and in love with his best friend (who was a mutual friend). I was active in GSA and very supportive of gay/lesbian/anything else you want to be rights, so even though I was upset by it, I understood the situation. Fast forward another few weeks. Another mutual friend IMs me, and says although its probably none of his business, my ex had cheated on me with various men. For four months. I wanted some sort of proof, and my friend told me that the proof was that he'd been involved. So it made a messy situation even worse. To this day, the kid still avoids me, thinking I'm gonna kill him... I wish him the best of luck in his future endeavors, but I also understand that, gay or not - he is trash. Regardless of your sexual orientation you do not do any of the things he did to me. I'm not trying to swap horror stories, or say that my situation was worse than yours is, but what I can tell you is this: I got better. I thought there was no end, I sat and cried for days straight. My mother didn't know what to do with me, she thought I was losing my mind. I became nearly suicidal, and stopped eating for a long amount of time (other than you know, the aboslute bare minimum: a few chips or crackers, etc... the thought and smell and taste of all foods made me nauseous. everything did.) But, as I said above, over time I got better. I still hate this guy because of his lack of respect for other humans, but he made a mistake. I've dated a bunch of people since- usually losers, but that's not the point of this wordy comment. Evennntually, I found the guy I'm with now. We're amazingly in love with each other - but from what I've been through in the past, I know that if he drops me for no reason (which I trust him not to do) I'll be okay. You have to find strength in yourself. You were okay before you started dating this guy, you'll be okay after. Your trust in guys will probably be close to nil - but really - if they dont want to stick around and prove that their not that guy, they are NOT worth it. I also know that not much of this will help. When you're going through a breakup, no matter what anyone tells you, it is the most painful thing in the world. No amount of 'you'll get betters' will actually make you feel better, but I promise, after the crying and the hate and the 'what-ifs' you'll wake up one day and you'll be okay. (Also, if it doesn't work out, don't be afraid to say no to 'rebounding'... worst idea ever. get to know and love yourself as a single and then you can know and love someone else again)

yellowschwester	03rd October 2006 - 07:21 pm
	Quote the2slayers Quote Haley So I know that I won't leave him and if he breaks up with me then ever wants me back, I couldn't say no. Oh, wow... that's exactly how I felt. But, can I ask you something? When you were dating... was it like you were constantly thinking "OK, when is this gonna end? Is he gonna break up with me today? Tomorrow?" Well Haley. I've never been a optimistic person and honestly - he doesn't seem worth all the fuzz you make about him. I mean.. I guess you _know that he is acting pretty stupid but at the same time - if I were you, and I'm basically in a very similar situation - it still wouldn't make me stop loving him. And Drew - .. gha,..... you scare me. :D That's what I was thinking all the time in August and the first week of September, but for me... everything changed. :D

curlytopper	05th October 2006 - 06:16 am
	Let go of the guy, girl. there's really no reason for him to claim on myspace that he is single unless he is flirting with the other girl. It is really a big pond and there are a lot of fishes out there that you can find. go look for someone who really cares about you sincerely. When you do find that someone you'll eventually get over the other jerk and forget him. It's not as bad a syou think it is and there's no reason for you to be scared.

Haley	05th October 2006 - 01:48 pm
	Quote indrahprashmet I became nearly suicidal, and stopped eating for a long amount of time (other than you know, the aboslute bare minimum: a few chips or crackers, etc... the thought and smell and taste of all foods made me nauseous. everything did.) Yeah. We broke up. He hooked up with another girl within a few minutes. This was Monday. Today is my first day back at school (I went home very early Monday, and stayed home Tues-Wedn). But all the big drama started around Friday. And I haven't eaten more than 2-4 bites a day since Friday. I try to eat but when I do, I almost throw up. The sight and smell of it alone makes me wanna puke. I'm starting to find all these flaws in myself and wanting to change them. One second, I hate myself for this and I want to change all my flaws for him, then the next, I know I don't need to change for him. He left me. It isnt my fault, ect. I'm on a huge fucking roller coaster and it wont stop...

the2slayers	06th October 2006 - 02:04 am
	Quote yellowschwester And Drew - .. gha,..... you scare me. :D That's what I was thinking all the time in August and the first week of September, but for me... everything changed. :D What do you mean?

Raelynn	06th October 2006 - 02:30 am
	If he went for another girl that quickly, you're probably better off with out him. You deserve better. You obviously value your relationships. Find someone who feels the same.

Lillemor	06th October 2006 - 10:46 am
	Quote Raelynn If he went for another girl that quickly, you're probably better off with out him. You deserve better. You obviously value your relationships. Find someone who feels the same. I agree. I feel so sorry for you, because I understand you're haveing a bad time now, I can't imagine how I'd feel if that happened to me. But after all, he doesn't seem like a nice guy. You deserve better!

yellowschwester	06th October 2006 - 04:03 pm
	Quote the2slayers Quote yellowschwester And Drew - .. gha,..... you scare me. :D That's what I was thinking all the time in August and the first week of September, but for me... everything changed. :D What do you mean? Because you kind of knew what I was thinking ... Nevermind. Being Parnoid. :D

Carina	06th October 2006 - 04:23 pm
	Quote Lillemor Quote Raelynn If he went for another girl that quickly, you're probably better off with out him. You deserve better. You obviously value your relationships. Find someone who feels the same. I agree. I feel so sorry for you, because I understand you're haveing a bad tim now, I can't imagine how I'd feel if that happened to me. But after all, he doesn't seem like a nice guy. You deserve better! For me, I agree with Rae, but he probably is a nice guy, just not the nice guy for you.

Lillemor	06th October 2006 - 06:32 pm
	Quote Carina Quote Lillemor Quote Raelynn If he went for another girl that quickly, you're probably better off with out him. You deserve better. You obviously value your relationships. Find someone who feels the same. I agree. I feel so sorry for you, because I understand you're haveing a bad tim now, I can't imagine how I'd feel if that happened to me. But after all, he doesn't seem like a nice guy. You deserve better! For me, I agree with Rae, but he probably is a nice guy, just not the nice guy for you. Ok, sorry .. sounded a bit harsh .. he's probably a nice guy, but what he did to you wasn't nice, and you deserve better! (Sorry .. english confuses me sometimes. )

Haley	06th October 2006 - 07:01 pm
	Yeah. We're deciding to stay friends and it's hurting a bit less each day and, for some reason, each time I see him. It still makes me sad but I'm not in tears anymore.

Lillemor	06th October 2006 - 07:14 pm
	I'm glad to hear you're doing better. :)

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